I apologize for not updating in April. Honestly, been on the struggle bus lately. I have hit a plateau in my weight loss. Hovering about 50-55 lbs. It's my fault. I have been struggling with my eating. Why does bad food taste so good? I had been telling myself for so long that I couldn't have any of the carbs I used to have. Like chips & candy. Then I thought I was 6 months post ok, I should be okay. Everything in moderation, right? Well it opened the flood gates! I started and I couldn't stop. Big mistake. It is like something came over me.
So now, I am trying to get back on track. Trying to track my food. Trying to eat a low sodium diet. Trying to chew my food thoroughly. I am trying. Everything is overwhelming. I realize my addiction to food consumes me. I tend to stress eat. My job stresses me out. I so badly want to break the chains of this demon over me. Every second of every day is a constant battle with myself. People ask, "Doesn't feel so good to have lost that weight?" Yes it does. Momentarily. I forget about it when I eat. I have issues. But I shall persevere. Slow and steady wins the race. I am sorry for the depressing post. It's where I am. I am my harshest critic. So I hate myself still most days. How I long to be someone who loves myself. Maybe I will get there one day. I also just feel alone on this weight loss path I am on. No one really understands what I am experiencing. I tend to set expectations for people to maybe get me through something. But in the end, it's just me fighting the battle against myself. Pray for me. I keep thinking if I could just hit that 60lb mark, I will maybe be more motivated. But it is taking some time getting there.
