Good on you

Well, it’s crazy to say this, but I’ve hit my 50lb mark. I had one of those moments where I stepped on the scale, saw the number. Rubbed my eyes, said that can’t be right, stepped off, and then stepped back on to be sure I was seeing correctly. But I was seeing correctly. I squealed with delight. I then proceeded to dance down my hallway. I can see my body changing right before my eyes. Sometimes I will catch a glimpse of myself in window or mirror. I stop because I can really see the difference in my stomach. It’s not sticking out as much as it used to. I can tie my shoes and breathe at the same time. The fat rolls in my body are getting smaller and I can see the difference. 

This journey I’m on is a daily fight with my inner self. I am realizing food is more of an addiction than I originally thought it was. I’ve had to make some health adjustments. I am still measuring and tracking my food. Which is becoming very tedious and I’m over it. But I have found out that when I don’t do this, I go crazy and just eat whatever. I have learned that I can’t trust myself and for the time tracking and measuring will need to continue for the time. One of the changes I’ve had to make was the decision to eat meat again. For 3 ½ years, I was a vegetarian, only eating dairy. No beef, poultry, or fish. I had originally did it for health reasons. But the thought of raw meat would gross me out. A month before my surgery, the nutritionist had me really cut down by carbs. It was at that point that I really began to worry about my health after the surgery. I have to have 60g of protein a day. I’m not a fan of a lot of the imitation meat substances like tofu, etc. I can have beans, but in small amts. So as a vegetarian, I was really struggling as to how I was going to do this. Before surgery, I consumed A LOT of dairy. Good on protein, not good on your digestive system. It was becoming very overwhelming to me to try to figure out what to eat and how to be healthy and get in this protein. It was causing way more stress for me than I needed. I already have a lot of stuff I must remember after the surgery. So once I was able to eat normal food again after surgery, I made the decision to eat meat again. Because my health is more important. I do have a protein shake in the morning to try to offset some of the needed protein. But eating meat again takes out the guessing of what I can and can’t have. It is so much easier to prep. I’m not ready to handle raw meat yet. So I have been getting a rotisserie chicken from the store and portioning it out. One chicken will give me a full week’s full of meals. I also eat tuna. Call me a hypocrite, it’s okay. I feel like I am. But I’ve come a long way in the past 8 months and put myself through a pretty serious surgery. So for once, I need to stop being so stubborn and suck it up. It is what it is. 

I’m learning the balance of eating healthy. Keeping my carbs low. But also allowing myself a small piece of chocolate if I am having a sweet craving. One piece is fine, but previously I would eat the entire bar in one setting or even eat 2 bars. So I portion out the chocolate as well. That small piece curbs the craving and it is enough for me. And it’s the good chocolate, the kind where you can understand the ingredients and it cost a little bit more. I recently saw my 18-year-old cousin. He has got a good head on his shoulders and we always have these deep conversations. I was talking to him about my weight loss journey thus far. He is currently employed at a gym and is all about “pumping” himself up physically. I was telling him about me eating meat. And what my portion sizes are as well as meal prepping with all these containers in my fridge. He was giving me some small tips to help me along the way. I told him I would like to walk a 5K, then eventually maybe run one. He said, “You can do it. I know you can.” Then he said, “Good on you” then gave me a fist bump before heading out. His “Good on you” and fist bump really touched my heart. Because he’s 18 and a lot of people his age just really don’t want to communicate with us “old folks” and could care less about things we have going on. It made me feel proud of myself. 

Good on you, Bran. Good on you.